What if I’m that person?
For years I’ve been working in media production with the goal of having a transforming impact on the lives of people. It’s a difficult profession, especially in my obscure little corner of the internet. I don’t have analysts who tell me how effective my work is, nor do I get a lot of feedback from individuals. Over the years, I’ve heard and evaluated a lot of philosophies.
If you were having an impact, your videos would be going viral…
It all depends on what impact means. God has certainly blessed some people with massive platforms. But I don’t think that means that everyone else isn’t called. It just means we’re called to different things.
If you were having an impact, you’d hear from people all the time about how you’ve impacted their lives…
Every now and again, I do hear from someone who’s been helped by something I worked on. That’s a great feeling. But I think it’s the wrong reason to be in the business. Matthew 6 speaks about hypocrisy but also about the work that we do to be seen…
I always come back to the simple philosophy that if God told me to make it, it’s my job to make it. I don’t have to know why. I don’t need to see the impact. I just need to trust that it was for a purpose. And if God uses it in the life of just one person… then it was all worth the effort.
A number of years ago, I made this short film on my phone:
Spoilers ahead. So give it a watch (it’s only 4 min) if that will bother you.
It tells the story of Hosea and Gomer in a modern setting. At the time, I thought it had a specific market, but that never materialized. I made it on my phone specifically for a course I was scheduled to teach on mobile phone film production (I’d never done a film on mobile before). But I didn’t really feel like it had impacted my students the way I hoped.
Three years later, it still hasn’t achieved my most conservative expectation for view count. But I’m certain God told me to make it.
For a number of years now, I’ve been wrestling deeply with my relationship with God. I know he wanted to speak to me more. I know he’s trying to communicate and I’m not listening nearly as often as I should. Year after year, I struggle to overcome all of the roadblocks I throw into the relationship, and each one he destroys just gets replaced with a new one. It’s disheartening.
Why is a relationship with God so difficult?
That sounds like a deep and profound question, but the answer reveals the lie. It’s difficult because I make it so. I don’t have to struggle to hear from God. He’s here. Present. Engaged. I’m the one getting in the way. I struggle with seeing our relationship as a job. Some days I dread connecting with him… not because it’s unpleasant. It’s incredible! I dread it because to get there I have to come face to face with me.
At the end of the film, Jade confesses her belief that she will never be faithful to Sal. No matter how hard she tries to change, she’s always going to fall back into her old life as a prostitute. He tells her, “I don’t love you because you live up to my expectations, I just love you.”
She replies, “I don’t think I can accept that.”
He says, “Then I’ll love you anyway.”
I remember when we were shooting the film, one of the girls working on set exclaimed, “Who loves like this?” It’s so extravagant. It feels impossible.
Over and over again this year, God has echoed those words to me as I’ve wrestled with my own struggles. “I’ll love you anyway.”
It’s funny because when I was writing the script, I felt like her position was almost unimaginable. Who would ever turn that kind of love away? The answer is that I would and do, almost daily. Though I couldn’t see that at the time.
What if that film really was made for just one person? And what if I’m that person?
Do you ever struggle to accept God’s love? Do you ever wonder if you’re making a difference? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.